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SOME WORDS OF ADVICE A Short Screenplay By Stephen Bittrich
459 Columbus Avenue, #240
New York, NY 10024
Tel: (212) 579-3015
E-mail: SBittrich@aol.com
Copyright © 1995,
by Stephen Bittrich
(Draft: July, 2001)
"SOME WORDS OF ADVICE"
BY STEPHEN BITTRICH
INT. A SUBWAY STATION - DAY
A WOMAN WITH A BOOK who is waiting for the train sits in the
middle of a bench reading a brainy, yet hot current best
seller. There are empty seats on either side of her. The
other seats are taken.
A garbled train announcement comes over the public address
system. ALL THE PEOPLE WAITING for the train strain their
ears to make sense of the announcement, but it's just
gibberish. They all look at each other as if to say, "Wha?"
Nobody gives it much further thought. They continue reading,
chatting, listening to Walkmans.
Somewhat down the platform, JOEY and FREDDY are going through
the turnstiles. Their conversation is well in progress.
They make their way down the platform toward the bench. We
don't hear what they're saying because the NOISE OF AN
EXPRESS TRAIN thunders throughout the station. As they sit
down on either side of the woman, the noise of the train
passes. They talk across the reading woman almost as if she
isn't there.
JOEY
That's all.
FREDDY
That's it.
JOEY
That's it. Period.
FREDDY
Naw, I know.
JOEY
That's it.
FREDDY
I know.
JOEY
You don't have ta 'pologize to her.
FREDDY
Naw, I know.
JOEY
All right then.
FREDDY
(After a beat)
But she's gonna know what's up.
JOEY
Do you care?
FREDDY
No, I don't care.
JOEY (OVERLAPPING)
That's it.
FREDDY (CONT)
It's no skin off me. I'm jus' saying.
JOEY
So.
FREDDY
I'm jus' saying.
JOEY
So.
FREDDY
I'm jus' saying.
JOEY
So fuck her.
The woman squirms uncomfortably trying her best to ignore
them.
FREDDY
I know.
JOEY
That's all.
FREDDY
I know.
JOEY
That's it. Ya know?
FREDDY
I know.
JOEY
Whatta you care. Am I right?
FREDDY
Right.
JOEY
That's it. Am I right?
FREDDY
I don't care.
JOEY
That's all.
FREDDY
That's right. I'm jus' gonna tell her--
JOEY (OVERLAPPING)
That's it.
FREDDY (CONT)
When she comes up--
JOEY (OVERLAPPING)
And you know she will.
FREDDY (CONT)
--when she comes up. I'm jus' gonna tell
her--
JOEY (OVERLAPPING)
That's all.
FREDDY (CONT)
--I didn't get paid today.
JOEY
Period.
FREDDY
Period. That's it.
JOEY
You got it.
FREDDY
Cuz I don't need this shit.
JOEY
That's all.
FREDDY
And she always owes me twenty from the
week before.
JOEY
That's what I'm saying.
FREDDY
And you know I'm never gonna see that.
JOEY
That's gone, man.
FREDDY
That's it.
JOEY
It's like a continuous cycle.
FREDDY
That's right.
JOEY
It never ends.
FREDDY
Every friggin' week.
JOEY
That's all. That's why you gotta put
your foot down.
FREDDY
That's it. Nothing else.
JOEY
Fuck her if she knows, ya know?
FREDDY
That's all. "Didn't get paid."
JOEY
Period.
FREDDY
"No dinero."
JOEY
You don't gotta explain further.
FREDDY
That's the whole story.
JOEY
She'll get the hint.
FREDDY
She's not gonna believe me.
JOEY
Freddy, what am I saying, huh?
FREDDY
Naw, I know.
JOEY
What am I telling you?
FREDDY
I heard ya.
JOEY
Fuck her. Fuck her. That's all.
FREDDY
I know.
The woman shifts again in her seat, doing her best to
concentrate on her book.
JOEY
Ya see, ya see, you let her get that shit
over you--
FREDDY (OVERLAPPING)
Naw, I know.
JOEY (CONT)
--she hangs that shit over you, then it
never ends, ya know?
FREDDY
I know.
JOEY
It never ends. Like I said--continuous
cycle. And she's always holding that
shit--
FREDDY
I know.
JOEY
--holdin' it out there--
FREDDY
That's it.
JOEY
--maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe--got ten
dollars?
FREDDY
Yeah.
JOEY
Ya know?
FREDDY
I know.
JOEY
But chew don't play that.
FREDDY
Naw.
JOEY
You don't play that shit.
FREDDY
That's all.
JOEY
"Didn't get paid today."
FREDDY
Plain and simple.
JOEY
That's it. "Did not get paid."
FREDDY
That's all.
JOEY
It's nunna her business.
FREDDY
No.
JOEY
Ya know?
FREDDY
I know.
JOEY
If she knows--fine. It's nunna her
fuckin' business.
FREDDY
I know.
JOEY
Are you married?
FREDDY
No.
JOEY
She ever put out for you?
FREDDY
I know.
JOEY
"Did not get paid." Period.
FREDDY
That's it.
(Beat)
You know, I know, I know what she's gonna
do.
JOEY
What?
FREDDY
I know what she's gonna do. She's gonna
run straight to Artie.
JOEY
Awww, man.
FREDDY
Straight to him.
JOEY
She thinks it's a game.
FREDDY
Yeah.
JOEY
It's like a fuckin' game to her.
FREDDY
That's it.
JOEY
She's playing monopoly.
FREDDY
And Artie's such a nice guy--
JOEY
He's a prince.
FREDDY
He'll give it to her.
JOEY
Ya know...
FREDDY
Give her anything she wants.
JOEY
She's a witch, man. She's a like a
saucerous.
FREDDY
She'll just reel him in.
JOEY
Well, that's Artie.
FREDDY
Yeah...but you know--
JOEY
No, I don't know nuthin'. That's Artie,
right?
FREDDY
Yeah.
JOEY
Am I right?
FREDDY
Yeah.
JOEY
Artie's Artie. Your Freddy. You don't
play that shit.
FREDDY
(Unsure)
I know. I know. I know.
JOEY
(Long beat)
You're a fuckin' pussy.
The woman puts her book down and shoots him a look.
FREDDY
What?
JOEY
She got you.
FREDDY
She don't got me!
JOEY
Awww, you fuckin' pussy! She's got your
number. That ten bucks is--hell, why
don't you just write her name on it right
now?
FREDDY
She don't got me. So shut the fuck up.
JOEY (OVERLAPPING)
(speaking to WOMAN WITH A BOOK)
Here, here, you gotta pen?
(back to FREDDY)
That's all. Just sign it over to her.
FREDDY
You don't know, Joey.
JOEY
"From Freddy, the push-over, with love."
FREDDY
You're full-a-shit, man.
JOEY
So, prove me wrong.
FREDDY
I am.
JOEY
So handle it.
FREDDY
I am.
JOEY
That's all.
FREDDY
(Beat)
I'm just thinkin' about Artie, that's
all.
JOEY
You're jus' thinkin' about Artie.
FREDDY
He's a good guy.
JOEY
What, I don't get it. What's that to
you?
FREDDY
I'm jus' sayin'.
JOEY
He could be the nicest guy in the world.
He could come over to my house and cut my
grass and kiss my ass. What's that to
me?
FREDDY
What are you talkin' about?
JOEY
I'm not talkin' about anything. I'm just
saying, you don't give a shit about
Artie.
FREDDY
What does cuttin' grass have to do with
it?
JOEY
Bottom line is you think Artie's got a
shot. She's got the two a yous on a
leash. Little puppy dogs--with your
little puppy wieners thinkin' you got a
shot. Meanwhile, she's stealin' all yer
dog food.
FREDDY
Will you shut the fuck up? You got
people lookin'.
JOEY
Hey, I'm out of it. All right? You axed
me. I tole you. That's all. Jus' don't
come runnin' ta me.
FREDDY
Don't worry, Joey. I got it under
control. I'm a stone, Joey, I'm a blocka
goddamn ice, and she ain't gettin' shit.
JOEY
Now yer talkin'.
FREDDY
That's all.
JOEY
That's it.
FREDDY
That's it. Period.
JOEY
Now you got it!
The conversation is over as far as Joey is concerned. He
pulls out a Slim Jim from his pocket and starts to unwrap it.
FREDDY
(After a beat)
You think she put out for Artie?
Joey and the woman give Freddy a slow take in unison as the
train pulls into the station.
FADE TO BLACK.