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THE WAY, THE TRUTH, THE LIFE By Stephen Bittrich
5701 W Slaughter Lane
Suite A130-204
Austin, TX 78749
Tel: (646) 245-4507
E-mail: SBittrich@aol.com
Copyright © 2003,
by Stephen Bittrich
(Draft: January, 2005)
"THE WAY, THE TRUTH, THE LIFE" BY STEPHEN BITTRICH SETTING: The acting class of GIL BARRY, the hottest teacher in New York. A bare stage with two chairs. AT RISE: Two people sit in the chairs facing each other, KYLE and LISABETTA. LISABETTA is Italian movie diva who is trying to break into American films, and KYLE is a soap actor who has gained some legitimacy by being in this class. He is dedicated and earnest to a fault. The first few lines are said in the dark. LISABETTA I want you. KYLE I want you. LISABETTA I want you inside me. KYLE You want me inside you? LISABETTA I want you inside me. KYLE I will be inside you. LISABETTA You'll be inside me. KYLE I will be inside you. LISABETTA You will be inside me. KYLE I will be. (Pause, while they mentally make love. Then from the back of the house--) GIL Okay. Okay. I hate to interrupt this, but I guess that's as good a place as any. (beat, addressing LISABETTA) Bravissima. (LISABETTA curtsies grandly) LISABETTA Grazie. Senza le, sono niente. (GIL touches his heart) GIL Kyle, wonderful work. KYLE Thank you, Gil. GIL Class that's how the repetition should be done. I hope you were all paying attention. Please, you two, have a seat. (beat) Who's next? (Answering from a seat in the house is Steph) STEPH Um, me. (GIL squints, his hand on brow to shield the harsh lights) GIL Who's "Um Me"? STEPH Steph...Stephanie Childs. GIL Well, let's go Steph. Bring it on. Who's your partner? (SHE comes down to the stage from her seat. LISABETTA will take her seat and Kyle sits in the aisle beside her) STEPH Rex is my partner, but he's sick or something. GIL (At first serious, then magnanimously allowing the class to join in a laugh) Sick or something. That's not allowed.... (beat) Ha, ha, ha, ha. (KYLE and LISABETTA laugh heartily on Gil's cue) LISABETTA Per essere ammalato. Non é concesso. Ha, ha! GIL Very well, nothing to be done. Kyle, old boy, can you go one more round? KYLE (taking quick stock of his exhaustion level) Sure, Gil. GIL There's a good boy. Step on up Steph. (They sit facing each other. Steph shakes off the jitters from her hands. Kyle gazes at her every move like a leopard ready to strike) GIL Anytime you're-- STEPH Looking good tonight. (SHE's jumped the gun, and SHE's interrupted the master. LISABETTA gasps audibly. KYLE looks to GIL, and GIL recedes to the shadows. If it's begun, then it's begun) KYLE Looking good tonight? STEPH You're looking good tonight. KYLE I'm looking good tonight? STEPH Yes, you're looking good. KYLE Looking good. STEPH Good. KYLE Good? STEPH Yes...tonight. KYLE Oh...tonight. STEPH Tonight, yes. KYLE I'm looking good tonight. STEPH Yes, looking good. KYLE Looking? STEPH (going astray) Uh...good? KYLE Good? STEPH Uh...tonight? KYLE Tonight? STEPH Tonight...? To-- KYLE To? STEPH To? KYLE To! STEPH Tuh, Tuh, Tuh! KYLE Tuh? STEPH Ut? (KYLE has no idea what to do. GIL, who has been pacing downstage, stops them) GIL Okay, let's just pause it right there for a moment... (Pause) Steph? STEPH Yes? GIL Steph? STEPH Yes, Gil? GIL Are you in the moment? STEPH Yes? GIL You're asking me? STEPH Yes? GIL Well, don't ask me. Either you are or you aren't. STEPH No? GIL Which is it? STEPH (about to cry) Yes? (KYLE hops up madder than hell and kicks his chair over) KYLE Fuck! GIL Kyle. Kyle, please. I know that's an honest reaction in the moment, but give us a little space. KYLE Fuck my ass! (KYLE takes a huge sigh, hangs his head and leaves the stage. LISABETTA Kyle...vieni qui. (KYLE sits with LISABETTA. SHE rubs his shoulders) GIL Thank you, Kyle. (beat) You know what I think? You know what I think, Steph? STEPH Do I know what you think? GIL I think you're being self-manipulative. STEPH Self-manipulative? GIL You're trying to manipulate, to plan out, changes in the repetition, and you're not using your instincts to guide you. This certainly isn't the first time I've pointed this out to you... STEPH I've...I've been having trouble, Gil. GIL Okay. Let's talk about it. Break it down. STEPH Okay. GIL What do you want to ask me? STEPH (beat Well...I mean...what's my inner animal? GIL Your inner--? STEPH At first, I thought it was an otter...kind of playful and...comfortable in it's own skin, but sometimes I'm not comfortable in my own skin, and, for that matter, are otters really comfortable in their own skins, or do they just come across that way? Then I thought maybe a squirrel...curious, yet cautious...easily startled...so very, very small in the world. "Don't take my nuts, you!" GIL WHOSE CLASS HAVE YOU BEEN TAKING!? STEPH What? GIL Have you been studying with Rowena Von Stromberg? STEPH No... (meakly) I mean, I just picked up her book-- (A gasp from LISABETTA) GIL NO!!! No, no, no! No books! No classes! No auditions! No acting! This is my way! My way! How can I be expected to- to--to mold--ARRRRRGH! When you build the Sears tower, do you just start building right there on the side walk? Do you? Do you, Steph? LISABETTA (From the back, teacher's pet) You dig a hole first. KYLE É vero. GIL Thank you, Kyle. You dig a hole--a foundation! Do you have a hole, Steph? STEPH I...I... GIL (A strange little voice comes out of GIL) Heh, heh, she has a hole. (In his normal voice again) Are you committed to this class, Steph? The rest of us would like to know. Am I right class? (Addressing a person in the audience) YOU! What's your name again? (Depending if the person answers...) What? Speak up! (Depending if the person gives a name...actor has permission to push the issue) ___________, I'm sure you have no problem committing to this class, am I right? What? Of course not. (Beat) ___________ is committed, Steph. He's [She's] there every week bright eyed and bushy tailed...and I don't mean like some damn squirrel. (Again in that strange little voice) Me likey ___________. (In his normal voice again) Please, please! (Beat, to Steph) What's your problem? STEPH (Highly confused) Nothing? GIL I think maybe you need to do this exercise with a new partner. KYLE (from the back) Fuck! Fuck my ass! GIL Kyle, please. (beat) What do you think, Steph? STEPH I don't know? GIL You don't know? STEPH I don't know. GIL You don't know. STEPH I don't...are we doing the repetition exercise now? GIL STEPHANIE!!! STEPH I don't want to...are we doing it now? GIL Listen, Steph. Really Listen. STEPH Okay. GIL Are you listening? (The strange voice) Or is it Lady MacBeth listening? (Regular voice) Don't say MacBeth, you fool! STEPH Me? I'm listening? GIL I think it's time for you to do the repetition with Vito. STEPH Who? Who's Vito? LISABETTA (to Kyle in a false whisper from the audience) The man is a genius. GIL (indicating upstage in a dark corner) Vito's over there, Steph. STEPH Over where? GIL Over there. There he is. Can't you see him? STEPH (squinting) Is he a student? GIL We're all students. "The foundation of acting is the reality of doing." (GIL goes upstage and turns his back to the audience. A transformation, of sorts, is taking place. STEPH is confused beyond belief. From this point forth, GIL's alter ego, speaking in a highly altered voice, will be referred to as VITO) VITO "The foundation of acting is the reality of doing." (GIL/VITO turns around to face the audience. HE is carrying a homemade puppet named VITO with the thin pencil moustache of an Italian lover) STEPH I don't understa-- GIL Shhhh. Say nothing. Now it begins. (VITO and GIL sit to begin the repetition, take a deep breath, then--) VITO You have nice tits. STEPH I...have...nice...tits? VITO You have nice tits. STEPH I have nice tits? VITO Perky. STEPH Perky? VITO Perky. STEPH You think they're perky? VITO Yes, I do. STEPH You do. VITO I do. STEPH You do. GIL That's a reading, Steph. Don't try to create variety. Just listen... VITO How 'bout a blow job? STEPH How about a...what the--? VITO How 'bout a blow job? STEPH Gil, I don't feel like this is a safe environ-- VITO Gil's on a coffee break, you bitch! Give me a blow job! STEPH Well, where's your little dick? I mean, do you have one? VITO Why don't you come over here and find out? (SHE reaches her hand over and the Vito puppet bites her) STEPH Ow! (SHE hits the VITO puppet) You little prick! Gil? That's it. You crossed the line. I'm not doing this. GIL Okay, that's it. Out of my class. OUT OF MY CLASS! STEPH (Getting up and gathering strength) I mean, you're not exactly in the moment reacting as yourself either. You're reacting as some Machiavellian puppet-- GIL You are NOT allowed to ask questions or make observations until you reach my master class, missy. But YOU will never attain that lofty status, because you are finished! STEPH Good. GIL Finished! STEPH By the way, I saw your one movie, Hacksaw Hanny, and you suck. (LISABETTA AND KYLE gasp. STEPH has crossed the line. GIL is stunned. STEPH exits through the house with chest held high. GIL yells after her as HE gains his composure) GIL Go find thy inner animal and become a hack! (beat) YE SHALL NOT COME TO THE LIGHT, BUT BY ME! (HE takes a deep breath) Ye shall not come to the light, but by me. (beat) Well. (beat) Well, well, well, well, well. (beat) ______________, did you want to go next? (Lights snap to black) (END OF PLAY)